This past week was a spring break like no other. This was not a trip to the beach, or Disneyland, or a National Park. This spring break was going home, and finding a new home, all at the same time.
I am an adoptee, and I travelled back to my hometown in Pennsylvania last week to meet my biological family. While I’m not at the point where I am ready to talk in-depth about that trip: a trip filled with both joy and sadness, exhilaration and despair…I would like to share a poem written by my birth mother, Diane.
Diane lived a complicated life, one that sadly came to an end too soon in 2009, before I ever had a chance to meet her. What we do have, however, my half-sisters and I, are letters and poems. Diane loved to write, and her words are powerful. This poem is one of the most meaningful to me.
Angry fights, filled with sorrow
For no apologies, not even tomorrow
Missing connections, not getting through
All the time wanting to say I love you
I didn’t want to cause pain
But adolescence is not sane
Wanting to say I’m just scared
But somehow I never dared
Your values I thought to be true
But about my life, I didn’t know what to do
Everyone said I was smart
But not inside my heart
So I just went on rambling
Living life as a scramble
To prove I was right
That I was not bright
But to everyone I would say
My parents are the best any day
I would pick no others
For a father and mother
~Diane L. Watkins, June 1987